Monday, November 10, 2008!
fana HandWritten on; 4:11 AM
i left you, i know.
i caused u to suffer, i know.
i know im in the wrong.
i know.
but do u think i purposely did all that?
just to hurt you?
am i that bad?
maybe to you yes, and i dnt blame you for that.
i know how it feels and i know u hate dat feeling.
but im not enjoying that feeling too kay.
whatever u think i did, i think u got the wrong reason.
for i will nvr wanna hurt you.
you have dne so much for me, why would i even dare to hurt u?
but this act, this very act, managed to tear ur heart apart.
and shatter it to pieces and i know its hard for you to fix it back.
fyi, its not easy for me too.
i cried, i miss, and i loved.
everything we have gone thru for taht 16 mths can nvr be erased from my memory.
it will all come back to me, one day, i know.
and at that point of time,
i wanna know that wad i did, this move i made, was best.
i wana make sure u keep that memory, wad we have been thru.
or treat it as a lesson learnt.
i lied to you, i know.
im scared to admit it, i know.
but wen i finally did, it all turned out so wrong.
till the guy i cared so much for and loved so dearly hates me now.
i guess all i could say is i deserve it.
i know i do.
you hate me, but i will never hate you.
you got ur own girl, i got a new frend.
you got ur own life, i got mine.
like wad u said, let live our own life.
i will, i know i will.
but the fact that u thinking im doing sumthing im not hurts.
its haunting me, and im scared.
cos u used to be the person i am most comfortable with.
wenever i see u smile, it made my day.
but wenever ur down, i too will be.
but i nvr showed it to you.
i never did.
but wad did i get back in return?
i felt ignore, i felt not appreciated and i felt like a total loser.
i cant even make u happy.
u said u were happy with me, and dats becos we have gone thru alot tgt.
all the gd memories in ur head.
but all the bad memories?
i nvr did make u happy wen ur down, did i?
i do suck.
dats the reason.
the reason whyy i made that move.
not becos of sumone else.
or becos of feelings.
i knew, u will beg to differ wtv i say right now.
but its all true.
i know it is.
but in any case, if i am wrong.
im really sry.
but theres always god my frend.
i told u b4, we got to believe in him.
he will lead us to the thruth.
and i pray for ur happiness.
even if its with my close frend.
i jus wanna see u happy.
u got urs, and i gt mine.
its fair.
for now.
